There are so many myths about marriage that we all need to stop believing. As a wedding photographer I tend to hear a lot of advice given to the beautiful couple I photograph prior to their wedding day as well as on their wedding day. We can all agree that some of the advice one may give on anothers wedding day is typically given with love in their heart. As a recent bride myself, I know that Jeromy and I heard TONS of advice prior to tying the knot!
After speaking to friends, family, and fellow wedding vendor collegues I have come up with a list of 10 Marriage Myths You Need To Stop Believing!
1. "The secret to a long marriage is ... She/He is always right."
Let's face it, no one is ever "always right". It takes proper communication, meaning listening and speaking to have a successful relationship with anyone, not just your partner. Each partner needs to be humble and kind to the other.
2. "Marriage is 50/50."
This is so false, a successful marriage is going to take more than each person giving only 50% of themselves. Would you only give 50% in your business or carreer? Why give only 50% in your relationship. You're 100% responsible for 50% of your marriage and relationship. There will be times that one may not be able to give the full 100%, when that happens ... remember that communication is key.
3. "Opposities Attract"
Sure, we get it he likes Star Wars and you don't (this is so Jeromy and I) but what we mean is that being 100% or even maybe less in some relationships isn't a good thing. If you have severly different views on how to handle finances, making life choices, political views and even religious views you will need to dicuss this before you attempt to spend the rest of yoru life with someone. It's totally ok if you don't see "eye to eye" on every topic, I'm sure that's one of the main reasons you compliment each other well. Again, I revert back to proper communication may help clear some of the opposite attractions up so that they don't become a problem in the future.
4. "If my partner really loves me, he/she will be willing to change."
Asking your partner to change and expecting them to do so because they have said they love you, isn't going to be a fun discussion, I can promise you that. It's one thing to address areas to which you may have concerns with, but to expect someone to change because you aren't comfortable with it ... you may want to reconsider what you are asking of them. Remember, you are marrying or married to someone who is their own person. They have every right to be that person without being judged or asked to change.
5. "Being married means you do everything together."
If being married means you do everything together, Jeromy and I have failed already. We find it extermly healthy to do our own thing from time to time. As creatives, we find ourselves attending conferences, networking meetings and training classes in our own craft. Do we attend some of these together, sure. Do we attend all of them together, no. We go out with our friends together and sometimes without each other. It's healthy because it gives us time to continue to be ourselves. It allows us to come back to the marriage with new information, knowledge and even new stuff to talk about. It's awesome to be able to sit together in the evening or when we return to each other and actually have something to talk about.
6. "The first year of marriage is the hardest."
Who's to say the first year of anything isn't hard, but who's to say it is. Maybe year 5 or 8 will be the hardest for your marriage. With proper communication and expressing your concerns as well as your love for each other, you'll get through your first year of marriage just fine.
7. "If you get married young it won't last."
My grandmother was a young bride and they were married their entire lives. No one can ever predict how long a marriage will last. Just let this myth go!
8. "Never go to bed mad."
Most felt like this was half a myth for a few reasons. It's ok to step away from a conversation that isn't going anywhere, because fatigue just makes things worse. Most felt that it was still important to sleep in the same bed and always reach across and at least touch toes. Like, I still love you and we'll be alright, even though we aren't seeing eye to eye on this topic. Remember to show compasion and most important empathy during any disagreement.
9. "It's all downhill after the honeymoon."
Year after year most couples I spoke to felt like things were actually getting better. It was easier to communicate, they knew their partners styles in not only love making but also how that person communicated. Going through the ups and downs of a marriage/realationship can be hard and it's not going to be all "honeymoon days", but try and remember in those hard times about your honeymoon or the day your married your partner.
10. "Don't fight infront of your kids."
I feel like for me, this one is a partial myth. I beleive our kids and future generations need to know that even a healthy happy relationship is going ot have ups and downs, bumps in the road. You don't need to have full on screaming matches in front of your kids, but frankly thats not a healthy approach to arguing anyways. It's important for your kids to see that not everyone agrees and that you can resolve matters in a peaceful manner.
Remember this ...
Everyone is different and every marriage is unique in its own way. While some couples may feel they can spend every minute of every day together, other couples feel very different about this. Everyone's relationship and marriage will have different ways of working. Like the first year is the hardest or sharing everything, etc. People will feel differently about the myths based on their own experiences in their own relationships and I completely understand this. Go into your marriage with love and kindness in your heart and remember that feeling each and everyday.
Heather J. Keys
Temecula, Murrieta, Wildomar Photographer specializing in YOUR story.